Dear Kim K…GO AWAY!!!

I’ve had enough. First, E! Network forces Kim Kardashian and the rest of her family down our throats. I mean seriously, jammed Bruce, Kris, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie, and Rob down our throats. And then we had to deal with the ridiculous comparisons to Kim’s sham of a wedding and the Royal Wedding back in April(By the way, the answer is still NO! Kim is NOT the new Kate Middleton). We even got not one but TWO wedding specials on the spectacle!

Now, we find out that Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her B-Baller husband a mere 72 two days after saying “I Do.” Normally I would say WHO THE EFF CARES?! But, after being forced to go on a full out E! Detox because of this stupid monstrosity of a marriage, you don’t even stay married for 6 months, Kimbo? SERIOUSLY?!

Can I point out that your sister, who dated her now husband for a mere THREE WEEKS, has been married to her husband longer than you and your ex were even dating before you decided to enter into that joke of a marriage?

Now, like a true gossip hound, I follow the Kardashian unholy trio on twitter. Of course Khloe and Kourtney are being supportive sisters tweeting their very own “LEAVING KIMMY ALONE!” To which I have to say, ladies, you’re going to have a hard time finding anyone to feel sorry for her…just saying. I think the #Thingslongerthankimswedding trending topic proves that.

Dear Congress, THIS is what ruins the sanctity of marriage…GOT IT?!

Ok now, that I’ve hopped off my political soap box, I shall continue.

Maybe now, Ryan Seacrest will sink the whole Kardashian “franchise” or whatever you want to call it, and direct more attention to more important reality television endeavors…like Dirty Soap!

Now, do I hope Kim is able to find love one day? Sure! But for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t clog up perfectly good television airwaves with that crap.

Dear E!…This time you have gone too far!

Ok, so I have held my tongue(sort of) at the absolutey asinine stories or I should really say piles of trash thrown up on the Eonline website by writer Kathering Riley. Normally I would let things go, let them roll off my back and forget about because they weren’t worth my time. I can’t do that anymore, so here goes nothing.

Dear E!, and more specifically Katherine Riley,

For the love of all that is good and holy, stop comparing Kim Kardashian’s wedding and her family to the Royal wedding/family! I can’t take it anymore! To answer your questions, NO! Kim Kardashian is NOT the next Kate Middleton, Khloe/Kourtney is NOT the next Pippa(Pippa will always have a superior bum) and their god-awful leech of a mother is NOT the new Queen Elizabeth II!

Do you really have NOTHING else to report on? Seriously?! Do I need to remind you these people are famous for doing, wait for it…NOTHING! The only reason Kim K. is famous is because she had some intimate moments with her boyfriend caught on tape and the scumbag sold it!

Did any of the royal family do this? I don’t think so.

I seriously have NO fun going on your site anymore. I just get angry every time I see one of these atrocious stories.

Just because Kris Jenner decided to wear a big hat to some party doesn’t mean she’s regal. Just because Kim wears a fascinator, doesn’t mean she’s a friggin’ princess. (Sorry I had to get all Jersey on you).

She’s marrying a basketball player. Not an Oxford educated, future King of a pretty powerful country! Is he cute?Sure! Is he rich, yes! But not at all Royal!

I mean, I have to seriously question Katherine’s definition of classy, elegant, demure, etc! Seriously, to quote one of your reader’s comments ” Do you actually have a journalism degree or do you write this s**t between GED classes?”  If you do have a degree…BURN IT! It’s not worth anything and you clearly didn’t learn anything. You might as well start all over!

It’s “journalists” like you that make the rest of us wannabe writers a bad name. Please, go back to school, fix your definition of what can be considered newsworthy, and report something  that doesn’t completely insult your readers’ intelligence.

E! You have some serious ‘splain’ to do! I can only guess that these stories are being allowed to run because you want to continue the well oiled PR machine you have got going for the Kardashians, but enough is enough. I for one am completely turned off, and don’t even think I’ll be watching the wedding when you air it.

For a look at all of the ludicrous comparisons this twit has made, check out the link below.

http://www.eonline.com/news/author/katherine+riley

Enough with the venting… I need to go Wooooossaahhhh in a corner somewhere.

I’ll take a busted Achilles while chasing an Intruder for 400 Alex!

Answer: This prolific game show host ripped his achilles tendon while chasing a burglar out of his hotel room.

Questions: Who is Alex Trebek?!

The 71 year master of Jeopardy was woken up in his hotel room by a woman who tried to steal cash and jewelry before being chased. They did eventually catch the woman who apparently stashed the stolen loot by an ice machine before making a run for it.

To show his true baddassery, Trebek showed up to host the National Geographic World Championship on crutches.

You go, Trebek!

Maybe now Sean Connery aka Darrell Hammond will have more respect for Trebek, and stop telling him to “suck it” or making lewd remarks towards his mother.

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=1105261

R.I.P Amy Winehouse

This Saturday, the new wave of the British invasion took a massive hit. Amy Winehouse was found dead in her apartment in London.

We all know that Winehouse has had an ongoing battle with drugs and alcohol ever since she burts onto the music scene. Yes we all know she was my favorite hot mess to write about besides Lindsay Lohan. But we should all take a step back and think for a moment and realize what a tragedy it is that such a talent, like Cobain, Hendrix and Morrison before her, is gone.

Am I condoning her crazy behavior? Absolutely not. She was out of control, and on a downward spiral for a long time. But, I think a lot comics, and writers/bloggers like myself harpooned her because deep down, we wanted her to see how awful she was treating herself and were rooting for her to get clean, so she could continue to put out truly awesome music.

Something that’s irked me since the news of Winehouse’s death broke is all of the negativity that it’s brought out of people. People saying things like “I don’t understand why people are shocked that a drug addict died?!” or “She should’ve said yes to Rehab!” And other increasingly awful things.

I only have this to say…NO ONE but Amy Winehouse can understand what she was going through. Are we fairly certain that drugs played a role in her death? Sure, but does that mean we have to harpoon the woman after her death? I don’t think so. She’s a human being, and a part of someone’s family.

Like I said, I am not condoning drug abuse. But, unless we’ve been there, no one can really understand what it’s like once addiction has taken a hold of one’s life.

The music industry took a major hit this weekend, and I think we’re all reminded that life is too short.

REALLY?! is back! the 6/15 edition!

Let’s skip the chit chat. We have A LOT to catch up on.

First things first…Congressman Anthony Weiner. REALLY?! You thought it would be a good idea to carry on inappropriate relationships via the INTERNET, and didn’t think you’d get caught? You sent pictures of your dong(impressive I must say) via twitter and e-mail and didn’t think it would eventually get out there? And your newest picture of you in drag? Not your best look. Stilletos do nothing for your manly calves.

What bothers me the most is that he tried to brain ninja us when the news first broke, instead of just fessing up and saying, “Guys listen, I took some pictures of m junk for the special ladies in my life,” he played it off like someone had hacked his Twitter account or his phone. Just FESS UP. It’s like when Bill Clinton earned his nickname “Slick Willy” when he proclaimed “I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman.” C’mon man, we all knew he had tapped that.

Next is golddigger extraordinaire Crystal Harris and the original Mac Daddy, Hugh Hefner. You call your wedding of 5 days before the ceremony. Hef, you didn’t see this one coming? REALLY?! And your buddies thought it was a bad idea from the get go and no one said anything? SERIOUSLY?!

THIS is why celebrities get themselves into trouble. They have too many people telling them “yeah sure, smacking that valet was a GREAT idea” instead of “You dumbass! NO don’t do that!” Someone should said “Hef, she’s a golddigging ho-bag. Don’t do it!”

Now there are rumors that she had a little slice on the side, and Hef was apparently blind-sided by her decision. Others say there was a massive argument that led to her moving out and calling off the wedding. There are also reports that she wants a music career. If this is true, god help us all.

REALLY?! 5/17 Edition

A lot has happened since my last post.

Bin Laden got served, The Donald aka The man with the worst hair in the world decided not to run for president, and The governator, Arnold Schwarzeneggar split from his wife and revealed that he had a kid with one of his house staffers.

So for starters, Pakistan…REALLY?! Osama Bin Laden was found less than 40 miles from a major city and NO ONE knew he was there? You’re kidding me right? We’re supposed to believe no one was covering for him?

I’m not even going to go into the fact that the mansion he was “hiding out” in was roughly 8 times larger than any other home surrounding it and people were rarely seen coming and going from the compound. You know, NOTHING fishy going on there at all. Everyone burns their own trash. It’s how they roll. This is going to do WONDERS for our diplomatic relationship.

On a completely different note, Donal Trump announced yesterday that he would be moving forward with Celebrity Apprentice, and would not be running for President in 2012. Wait what? You mean after taking credit for getting President Obama to release his long form birth certificate, and shoving your foot so far down your throat you farts smell like shoe polish, you’re NOT going to be trying to be leader of the free world?

I know, I couldn’t believe how much I didn’t care either.

The award for D-bag of the year so far has got to go to Arnold Schwarzeneggar. He admitted to fathering a child with one of his household staffers OVER A DECADE AGO. Apparently his soon-to-be Ex-wife Maria Schriver moved out of their home earlier this year, and the staffer retired from her position in January.

The Governator decided not to make any waves in the consiervative politicians’ kiddie pool and waited until after he left office to tell his wife about his affair.

REALLY?! You kept your side-chick at the house?! I mean it’s dirty and just wrong…but why do I have the overpowering need to call it well…GANGSTA.  I guess the budget crisis in California was the only thing he had trouble Terminating.

I’ve got to give a tip of the hat to maria Schriver. She’s stayed classy through this whole thing. Good on you!

Ok  I need to actually go and do what I get paid to do. I’m officially declaring the rest of the month a Bitchassness free-zone(Thank you Diddy). Let’s hope everyone complies or there will be hell to pay.

Related articles

• Osama Bin Laden Dead (socyberty.com)

REALLY?! 4/11 Edition.

God I hope I don’t get sued for this. I have to say that my original inspiration for doing posts like these is SNL’s REALLY?! With Seth and Amy. I have to give credit where credit’s due. Those segments are brilliant!

Now that I have the semi-legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way it’s time for this week’s edition of REALLY?! With Ceecee.

First off. I woke up this morning to find out that my fave popstarts Rihanna and Britney did a killer collabo on the remix for “S&M”…REALLY?! Why did no one think of this hook-up sooner! Holy hell this track was hot!

Ok now that my pop-music drooling is done, I’ll get on with the actually irritating stuff.

Gael Garcia Bernal and his lady love welcomed their second child this weekend. REALLY Gael?! you had a baby and it wasn’t with me?! WTF is up with that?! To be fair, his girlfriend is pretty smokin’.

Snooki and Jwoww are getting their own shows…REALLY MTV?! You want us to be subjected to more of their drunken tomfoolery and as the situation would put it “Slop-tart” ways?  Now, I know Jersey is ridiculously popular, but do we really need another reality show that causes us all to have to run to the clinic and get tested? Oh yeah, to top it all off, the entire Jersey Shore cast will be getting a pay raise and making slightly more than $1Mill a season.

In other Jersey Shore news the Snookster caused quite a controversy at Rutgers University because she was paid for by the University for her appearance than Nobel Prize winning author Toni Morrison will be paid for her upcoming speech at Rutgers’ Commencement ceremony. REALLY?! On what planet does this make sense? Oh yeah we’re just going to give someone with NO prior accomplishments besides successfully face-planting in the sand down the shore over $32000. We’ll give the award-winning and ground-breaking author whatever we have left over in our entertainment budget and hope she just goes with it. How screwed up are your priorities Rutgers!?!

Now that I’ve successfully offended every Jersey show reader I know, let’s continue.

Betty White was asked about Hollywood today, and out of left field directed a few eloquently and extremely thinly veiled jabs at Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. Lohan decided to come out and say she was surprised by Betty White’s comments. Really?! You’ve been in rehab on and off for the past two years, and your surprised Betty White had something to say about how unbelievably disturbed you are? If she hadn’t said anything I would’ve been surprised. She’s damn near 90 years old! Of course she’s going to say something. Her keeping her mouth shut would be like my 92 Year-old grandmother NOT telling me that her nursing home food tastes like garbage!

In sports news, Manny Ramirez suddenly retired last Friday after reportedly testing positive for Performance Enhancing Drugs. This would’ve been the second time Manny was being Manny and got caught, which would’ve meant a 100 game suspension from the MLB commission. REALLY Manny?! With all that’s going on with Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, you’re gonna get caught for a second time? And rather than face the music you call it quits? You’ve gone from one of the greatest hitters ever to play the game to one of the greatest disgraces to the game. I hope you’re happy!

Ok, I’m done. I’m going to go scream into a pillow or something to get our my rage. Talk amongst yerselves!

It’s time for REALLY?! With Ceecee!

I’ve been a fan of REALLY?! With Seth and Amy on SNL for a long time. Since the show went downhill, it was really the highlight of each episode for me. So, for this blog post I decided that I would catch everybody up on what’s going on in the world with a little thing I like to call “REALLY?! With Ceecee!”

Here goes nothin!

This week Brett Michaels decided he was going to sue The Tony Awards for the set mishap he had 2 years ago where he was hit in the head and knocked out cold by a set piece. He’s blaming the accident on the brain hemmorage and ensuing stroke he had, citing that the award coordinators never told him how to safely exit the stage.

REALLY?! Since when do people need to tell you NOT to walk into giant set pieces? Really. I mean REALLY?! You’re suing these people because you were too clumsy or drunk to pay attention?

By the way Bret, YOU’RE OLD! We know you’re losing your hair! Lose the freaking bandanna! It’s stupid, and went out of style in 1995!

This year’s Final 4 in the NCAA tournament is filled with some of these most unlikely teams. Two of the teams VCU and Butler are the lowest seeds to ever make it into a Final 4. VCU was actually the last team to make it into the over-all tournament.

But REALLY VCU and Butler? Thanks to you about 99% of America’s brackets were blown to smithereens the first weekend of the Tourney. I mean REALLY?! Thanks you NONE of my Final 4 picks made it to the final dance. Also, REALLY UCONN AND KANSAS?! You let a team with a freaking RAM as their mascot beat you? REALLY?!

In other news, one of the Teen Mom 2 moms got into a nasty fight this past week, and some lucky bystander got the whole thing on tape. I mean I guess it was lucky for Janelle that she doled out the brunt of the beating otherwise this would be REALLY embarrassing. Oh wait, it still is!

REALLY JANELLE?! It’s bad enough your mother is bat-sh*t insane and called the cops on your for using her credit card on a trip to New Jersey of all places, and took custody of your son, but now the video got sold to the gossip mongers over at TMZ.

Also the Westboro Baptist Church(AKA the church of whackjobs with ZERO human decency or concept of Christianity) threatened to protest at Elizabeth Taylor’s funeral. REALLY?! Fred Phelps! REALLY?! Did you NOT learn from the lawsuit you had against you that caused you to pay out a motherload of cash because you invaded the privacy of a soldier’s family during his funeral? Did someone not hug you enough as a child?  I mean these people really hate EVERYONE! Gays, blacks, Jews, Indians, Muslims, they hate them ALL. I mean, at least they are equal opportunity haters. But seriously Fred and Friends, stop sippin’ that haterade…girl.

No word on whether or not they actually showed up to Taylor’s funeral.

That’s all for today folks. Leave your thoughts, and I’ll be sure to have some snarky comeback soon!

All aboard the Charlie Sheen Crazy train!

Image via Wikipedia

So by now, I assume everyone has heard that Charlie Sheen has completely gone off the deep end.

We’ve heard the interviews where he’s proclaimed he has Tiger’s blood running through his veins and Adonis DNA. Or at least, you have to have both of those things going for you to be able to exist on a higher plain and understand him, and his relationship with “the goddesses.” No need to re-read that. You read it properly, he refers to the two women that live with him as ‘the goddesses.”

Apparently since his in-home rehab stint, Charlie’s life has been just full of winning, and being a “freaking rock star from Mars,” that no one gets.

In his own words the bender he was on, “makes Sinatra, Jagger, and all the rest of them look like droopy eyed homeless children.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I really don’t think this is something to be proud of.

Sir Sheen, also had some choice words for the execs over at CBS. He wants $3Mill an episode, should they choose to have him back, and he wants a big public apology. Preferably one where the execs lick his feet while grovelling.

He told NBC’s Jeff Rossen that his fans shouldn’t be worried. Oh, no? You tell us you’ve cured yourself of addiction with the power of your mind, and we’re not supposed to be worried?

Maybe he’s taking some of those hallucination pills Moamar Ghadaffi was ranting about a couple weeks ago.

How crazy is Charlie sheen? He’s so immersed in the deep end that his long time publicist was consulting with Lindsay Lohan’s comparing horror stories, realized he had it worse, and got out while the getting was good.

I’m putting the request out to the world. Can someone PLEASE auto-tune these interviews…PLEASE?! If the Oscars can auto-tune the crap they did, someone can most certainly auto-tune this GOLD!

Now, another celebrity that seems to be having some trouble not being a hot mess, is good ole Christina Aguilera. Yep, XXXTina was picked up early this morning for public intoxication.

No, she wasn’t driving. Her boyfriend was, and was booked for a DUI on top of the public intoxication. The only reason Aguilera was brought in was because she was too sauced to drive home herself. So they decided she should sleep it off in one of their cushy cells.

I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. She’s been a bit of a train-wreck since her marriage ended. While I don’t see a booze-fueled head shaving and umbrella attack, I can see X-Tina doing some serious soul searching soon. Especially if she wants to do the right thing by her Son, Max.

I do hope these two figure themselves out. When it comes right down to it, these are two really talented people that have seriously lost their way.

 

Thoughts?

Related Articles

• Clearly, Charlie Sheen Is WINNING! (mtrthenetwork.com)
• Charlie Sheen to fans: ‘Don’t be worried. Celebrate this movement.’ (insidetv.ew.com)
• Meet Charlie Sheen’s Live-In ‘Goddesses’ (huffingtonpost.com)
• Charlie Sheen The Today Show Interview (Video) (sugarslam.com)

Sandra Bullock…Still a total class act.

Last night’s Oscars were…uneventful at best. I thought Ann Hathaway was a rather charming hostess. James Franco on the other hand…for someone who was nominated for best lead actor, I was disappointed by how flat his hosting persona was.

Don’t get me wrong. I got a kick out of the fact that the general consensus from my Facebook Newsfeed was that he was high as a kite throughout the show.

I should also mention that making a Charlie Sheen joke while dressed in drag…pretty much ALWAYS a slam dunk.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the big winners, Natalie Portman, Colin Firth, Christian Bale, and Melissa Leo.

I’d say they all looked great, but Christian Bale looked like a small furry animal attacked his face and he had no choice but to just let it live there.

Let’s hope he drops the caveman look as soon as he’s done shooting the movie he’s working on.

The highlight of the night for me was Sandra Bullock’s presentation of the Best Actor Award.

Not only did she look amazing, but she was funny, poised, elegant and she made it look effortless!

I’d like to imagine that in her head she was saying ” Hey, Jesse! You’re a scumbag! Check me out! I’m freaking fabulous! So fabulous in fact that I had to let some of it rub off on these other fabulous people before I explode from all of the fabulousness I exude!”

Just saying, by the time Jesse James is done writing that “Tell-All” he’ll be so irrelevant that the book will be used only to even out that super wobbly table in some greasy diner in town.

In all seriousness though, this guy’s 15 minutes will be long over while Sandra will be raking in little golden statuettes because her fame is not only based on her talent, but her humble demeanor and class. Seriously, look it up! I swear she has class running through her veins!