Ok, Seriously MTV? Enough!

While maintaining my usual position as a couch potato the other night after work I caught my first peek at a promo for a new show MTV is going to be airing soon. It’s called The Jersey Shore. Apparently they think that the only people that go down the shore and enjoy the salty sea air are tanorexic guidos and guidettes that have fried themselves to within inches of brain death.

 

My immediate thought when I first saw this promo was “People like this actually exist?” And, “Why on God’s green earth would people want to watch these people on television when they can go to a Staten Island club and see them up close in their natural habitat?”

For a while there I thought MTV was on the right track. Bringing back standbys like The Real World/Road Rules challenges, The Hills, and True Life, and even resurrecting a block of music videos in the mornings. Unfortunately those baby steps froward are being overshadowed by this giant landslide back.

This new show looks like several extended episodes of “My New Haircut.” The is spiked hair and fist pumping galore, along with lines like “If hating’s your occupation, I may have a full time position open for you.” My question for that guy is…So, you already know you’re a douche?

I guess MTV thought they hadn’t already contributed enough to the crap programming that is already taking up precious airtime. I’m hoping the people that do watch this show, take the subjects’ behaviors as what NOT to do when trying to act like a decent human being…just saying.

 

If you do get a chance to check this crap out please let me know if you suddenly have the urge to chug muscle milk, run to the gym, or lay in a tanning bed for hours. It will serve as a public service announcement.

Dear Kanye

Dear Kanye West,

I’ve seen a lot of really ignorant self absorbed celebrities in my time, but you have got to take the cake. Your stunt at the VMA’s was absolutely the lowest of the low.

I don’t know how, but you managed to make a moment, and an evening that had NOTHING to do with you all about you. Now that’s what I call talent.

I think you need to take a step back and think for a moment. These awards were voted on BY THE FANS, and you didn’t win one. On top of that, the award you were so outraged at wasn’t even a category you were nominated for!

None of the other nominees jumped on stage claiming they deserved the award over Taylor Swift.

Come on man, this was her first VMA award EVER! How dare you ruin her moment. You are a classless, and horrible human being.

I don’t think I’ve ever disliked a complete stranger more than you.

What amazes me is that I thought that the experience of losing your mother would humble you, or at the very least prompt you to watch what you say. On the contrary I think you’ve become more of an asshole since losing the woman who I’m SURE taught you better!

Any iota of talent you have was eclipsed by the fact that you are the biggest asshole on the planet and no one respects you!

Sincerely
Ceecee

Anyway, besides Kanye acting like a ginormous tool-shed I enjoyed the awards this year. Lady Gaga looked a damn mess as usual, Pink rocked my world with her Trapeze act and Beyonce was fabulous and unbelievably classy for giving Taylor Swift her moment.

If you wanna check out Kelly Clarkson’s reaction to Kanye’s ignorance go to her blog :http://iamkelly.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/kanye-west/

Enjoy!

I wish Lady Gaga would wear some damn pants

I’ve held my tongue long enough. I even tried to over look it, seeing as that Lady Gaga’s music is ridiculously catchy and that I didn’t necessarily need to like her fashion to be able to rock to her music. But that’s over with.

While perusing a couple of my favorite sites I caught a glimpse of a Gage original that made me want to cry.
Are you ready for this?

Picture Kermit the Frog, decapitated about a hundred times over, and then all of his heads being pinned to a bunch of green material, paired with green tights. Don’t believe me? Eonline has the proof.

Now I am in no position to be giving anyone fashion advice, but I think it’s time I put my foot down when a woman who wants to “take a ride on your disco stick” is wearing one of my favorite childhood icon’s heads on lily pads all over her.

Like I said I’ve never been a huge fan of Gaga’s style to begin with. I’ve often found myself yelling “WEAR SOME PANTS” at the TV when I catch one of her videos on.

There’s a fine line between creativity and madness. I think home-girl has trampled all over that line and has gotten to the point of no return.

I mean what’s next? Miss piggy’s head being worn as one of her hats? This is a prime example of stars being surrounded by people that refuse to say no. Shame on her “friends” that let her walk out of her hotel room like that. And don’t even get me started on the stylist…they should be shot and all of their designs buried with them, or burned.

Next time you want to wear a pop culture icon, get an effing t-shirt! Hell, I’d even be okay with you walking around with a collectible thermos!

Ok kids, go find the pictures and see for yourself…I can’t even deal. Let me know what you think

People watching takes the suck out of public transportation

So the last couple of weeks I’ve been traveling back and forth from my new job by bus. Now usually I don’t have an issue with public transportation, but buses take ickiness to a whole new level.
I know what you’re thinking, who doesn’t love sitting in the aisle seat with your head inches from some dude’s crotch, while the woman next to you talks excessively loud on her cell phone about her plans for the next night?

NOT THIS GIRL!

However, I’ve realized that since the bus will be my primary means of getting around I need to find something to make it suck just a little less. So I’ve taken to my favorite pass-time…people watching a.k.a judging complete strangers and making up my own stories about them.

Refer to my earlier post about the rules of people watching. I know my general rule of thumb is to have a partner, but in the case of public transport, a book or i-pod can serve as a good way to avert your eyes if you get caught, not to mention make people feel really uncomfortable when you start playing a mean air guitar with everyone watching.

The last couple of weeks I’ve realized that the bus gives you the chance to be a complete douchebag(in your own head of course) to a wider array of people.

I mean where else could you find a 300 pound black woman with a tramp stamp and another tattoo that reads “sweet like candy” next to a latino woman wearing a panama hat?

Just when I thought it wouldn’t get any better, I happen to notice an older gentleman getting off of the bus in 80+ degree weather wearing a rain hat and a trench-coat with a hole in the back seam.(yes he was wearing pants) Now far be it for be to judge the man for wanting to be prepared, but seeing as that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, I thought his wardrobe choices were slightly misguided.

The best part about people watching on the bus is that there is a non-stop stream of hot messes getting on and off at every stop. At the very least, there is definitely enough of the to keep you entertained for the entirety of your ride, and take your mind off of the 15 year-old gum under your seat and the chick that won’t shut her face.
And if you’re unlucky enough to be on a bus or train where some drunk guy passes out and spills his drink or can’t hold his liquor and spews on the floor, at least you’ll know you’re better than they are!

R.I.P. Michael

Sure he was eccentric. Yes, he had his fair share of legal issues of a “sensitive” nature. But you can’t deny the truth. Michael Jackson aka Wacko Jacko was one of if not THE most influential and iconic figures in popular culture.

Say what you want, but can you name another performer that used their fame for more good than he did besides Bono?
I can’t think of another artist whose influence was as widespread as his. The man was a legend.

Now I’m no dancer, or aspiring singer, but when I was little “Bad” was one of the first songs I remember dancing to. I would go wild in the living room listening to the “Dangerous” album.

I know I’m not alone in feeling as though a part of my childhood has died with him.
I can’t imagine another artist coming close to acheiving the widespread adoration Michael had, or being able to transcend, cultural differences the way he did.
It doesn’t matter whether you are black, white, purple, yellow or green, Michael found a way to move you.

The “Gloved one” will be missed, but I can gaurantee that his influence in the music world will be evident for years to come.

I really want to be on Karma’s good side!

So we all know the phrase “karma’s a b***h.”

Apparently Heidi Pratt got to live the saying this past week. Apparently while the producers of “I’m a celebrity…Get me out of here” were getting their revenge on Speidi for leaving the show, Heidi got sick and had to be taken to the hospital.

After she came back to the show with hubby Spencer they both said that the Devil made them give up and that they apologized for being such quitters.

Well Heidi, did the devil make you sick too? Just saying I’m pretty sure it was Karma smacking you in the face for being such an awful human being.

I want to feel bad, I really do because I know how awful stomach bugs can be. But its hard to feel sorry for someone who willingly lets themselves be manipulated into the most ridiculous situations ever known to man.

Before I get really angry I’ll move on. Apparently “hitting the mark” is not Brett Michaels’ forte. Last night at the end of his performance Michaels’ got knocked down by a rather large set piece as he was walking of stage.

I don’t mean a little bump, I mean full on clothes-line onto the stage. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I call an EPIC FAIL. I’m still trying to figure out how he missed the giant set piece being lowered out of the rafters and onto the stage right over his head.

Maybe the knock on the head will knock some sense into him and stop him from dating the scourge of the earth on a tour bus while trying to find love.

I think both got what was coming to them. I just hope they learn from it!

Be Careful What you Wish for!

Word on the street, and by street I mean Eonline, is that Spencer and Heidi Pratt acted like a couple of douchebags when they were dropped off in Costa Rica for their stupid show “I’m a Celebrity: Now Get me Out of Here!” Apparently the media-loving couple fresh from their upchuck inducing wedding special episode of The Hills were not jazzed about the whole situation one they were in it. They refused to eat what was provided and then complained that there weren’t any REAL celebrities on the show with them.

EXCUSE ME! Yeah you heard right. These two had the nerve to think they were actually better than someone. HA!

They’re on the show with Janice Dickinson AKA Reality Television trainreck, Sanjaya(remember his awful singing and even more awful hair?) and Stephen Baldwin just to name a few. If Kathy Griffin hadn’t already coined the phrase I’m pretty sure it would be considered a D-List cast at best.

In other news British singing sensation Susan Boyle got upset in Britain’s Got Talent by Diversity dance crew. She was actually very tame and gracious when the results were read. But just when you thought all her drama of the past few months was over, she gets checked into a hospital for “exhaustion.”

Apparently being a spinster-turned-international sensation can be quite draining. Just imagine what might have happened if she had won!

I feel bad I do, because she is quite talented, but the timing seems suspect to me. I’m just glad she didn’t have another melt down and start flinging f-bombs during the show or directly after.

Last night was the MTV Movie Awards. No surprise Twilight cleaned up with five awards. K Stewart and Robbie Pattz turned out to be quite the teases when they opted NOT to recreate their onscreen magic when they won the award for best kiss. It was probably more painful to watch than reading the scenes in the books.

While some thought the show was entertaining I thought some of the jokes were pretty Juvenile( Sasha Baron Cohen dropping in from the ceiling and landing butt first in Eminem’s face. And some guy randomly dryhumping a golden popcorn statuette). Andy Samberg’s digital shorts throughout the show were not his best, and something about Leanne Rimes and Chris Isaac singing his songs was disturbing and just NOT funny.

Stick to being a supporting role Andy, and maybe let your buddies do more of the writing from time to time. They’re funnier. And I can do without the visual of you naked, it wasn’t pretty or funny.

Anywayz, once you catch it, let me know what you think. I’d LOVE to hear your opinions!

TTFN!

Advice for the budding superstar

For those of you considering a career in the spotlight I felt it my duty as an avid follower of all things ridiculous to give you some advice so that you do not become ammo for the blogosphere’s arsenal.

First, it’s probably a bad idea to beat your girlfriend. It’s just not a good look for you, or the poor sap you pounded on. No matter how much you claim you “ain’t a monster” the media will find any way possible to make you look like one. ‘Cause let’s face it, you suck at life. Oh yeah, and Bow wow is NOT my idea of a prime candidate to endorse your character.

Second Youtube is NOT the way to go to let your fans know you have an album coming out soon. It works even less when you’ve been vilified in the eye of the public and only made an A-list celebrity because of your significant other.

Third, when the first season of your reality show ends with you and your new BFF parting ways, or it not working out with the person you picked to “rock your world” or take a “Shot at love” please for all of us just quit while you’re ahead!

You aren’t going to find love or a friend for life, out of a bunch of people that were plucked from the bowels of the Jersey shore or any other place where it’s acceptable to have your hair be a potential deadly weapon. (I’m allowed to say that, I am from Jersey and I love it!)

Third, if you’re family is willing to sell you out to media, you either suck at life, or you need to re-evaluate that relationship. Your family is supposed to be there for you no matter what. If you did something to jeopardize that, you should probably just quit life all together.

Also, if you are a celebrity, and you have a Twitter,facebook,digg or any other social media account, you deserve whatever ridicule you receive through them. You’re leaving yourself wide open.

You would also benefit from not complaining about how hard life is with papparazzi fallowing you around. You live in the freaking hollywood hills and have seen every corner of the earth due to your success, you don’t get to complain about people wanting pictures.

Don’t have 14 kids. People do not need that visual, and no matter how hard you try you will never look like Angelina. Not to mention, that much plastic surgery will make anyone who isn’t already attractive look like a freak.

Don’t call anyone sugar-tits. It’s not a term of endearment. You also make yourself look like a giant tool-shed if you do this while drunk, and married.

Affairs may get you some attention, but not in a good way. Being unfaithful isn’t cute, or funny. It’s called being a slut or a manwhore. Keep it in your pants!

Clothing is not now, or ever will be optional. Undergarments are a plus especially when you are female and stepping out of large vehicles. Keep your nether regions to yourself. I know what mine look like, I don’t need to see yours for comparison.

Having famous parents doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be famous aka shoved down my throat every two seconds on TV. Why isn’t it enough that mommy and daddy can buy you that sweet car?

Now with these gems of advice imparted on you I bid you adieu and hope you find your journey to stardom a fabulous one.

TTFN

Justin Timberlake, Will you marry me?!

So it’s no secret that I have a deep love for the one and only J. Timberlake. He’s pretty much the perfect man, and his hosting gig on SNL just made that even more clear for me. His opening “number” was hilarious. He poked fun at his three appearances on the show, and revived his patented “bring it on down to omeletteville” only this time he sampled some new track from the black eyed peas and Kelly Clarkson to wrangle customers into “plasticville,” a burgeoning plastic surgery practice. And if that wasn’t enough, he teamed up with Andy Samberg again to make a tribute to all mothers in “mother lovers” a touching tale of two guys that forget to get their mothers gifts for Mother’s day and decide that they would swap mom’s and give’em the good lovin’ they were missing. Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson played the moms in the digital short.

Please enjoy!

Hugh Jackman has named “little Hugh”

Hugh Jackman, self indulgent? SHOCKER! Yes, readers it is true. The man we know and love as Logan or “wolverine” has said in an interview that he has a nickname for his package, and no, it’s NOT “Little Hugh.” It’s come to my friend’s attention that after seeing the monstrosity of a film “Wolverine” that Jackman may actually be the kind of guy that uses his wiener’s nickname while in the throws of passion. I’m not gonna lie I haven’t seen the movie, but after seeing his performance at the Oscars, that’s not the ONLY thing that wouldn’t surprise me.

So what is “little Hugh’s” actual nickname? It’s James Roger. Yes, Jackman is THAT guy that not only names his penis, but also gives it not one but TWO first names.

Now I’ll give him credit. The nickname is better than “little Hugh” he could have done so much better. He has played one of the most badass characters in the Marvel movies. Who wouldn’t mind saying they encountered a Wolverine in bed?

Let’s face it either way if a guy nicknamed his package and referred to it by name in bed during the act I would probably knee him in the junk and then laugh in his face.

I’m just saying if he’s going to go through that pain it better be for a good and well thought out name.

In my previous entry I mentioned douchebags getting their comeuppance. Apparently we can add one more to that list. Carrie prejean aka Miss California(the one that almost got into a smack down with Perez Hilton) apparently went through her bad girl stage and her recent overzealous conservative antics have been her way of repenting.

The beauty queen has some not so conservative pictures floating around the web.

The photos are rumored to show Prejean in nothing but some cute undies and her birthday suit. I guess that drunken night in Cabo or some other equally popular spring break city finally came back to bite her in her over-exposed behind.

My daddy always taught me “it’s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Carrie, sweetheart, please take this quote, learn it, love it, and live it.

The pictures could potentially be cause for Prejean to be stripped of her title as Miss California. Who knows, maybe not having to deal with those veneers, peroxide, and the face cramps could be a relief.

This definitely counts as a classic FML moment. Sorry Carrie, you had this coming!

TFFN my loves!